Published: August 18, 2013
elitefts™ Sunday Edition
I understand that elitefts™ is more of a strength site with the focus of how to pick up and put down heavier weights than you did last week. That is why I am going to get in here and get my column started talking about the differences between powerlifting and strength sports vs. bodybuilding. Obviously, because I am from the bodybuilding side of things you will likely come to see my point of view over that of everyone else on this site.
First, I need someone to explain to me what the motivation is to pick up heavy things repetitively and then put them right back where you found them. This strikes me as boring and a bit odd. Do you sit all day at work thinking, “Shit, I cannot wait to get out of here and get to the gym to pick up stuff and put it back down”? I think this would rank right up there with cardio and cardio sucks. The only reason bodybuilders do cardio is so that they can walk around looking badass. Nobody likes doing it but at least you get to walk around with veins all over you looking sexy as shit. Powerlifters? Not so sexy. Bodybuilders? Way sexy.
Are there any lean Powerlifters or strength athletes? I don’t see any. The ones I see are quite… how should I say … fluffy. Is there a diet here? Or is it simply shovel in whatever isn’t running away from you? Is the idea to carry as much weight as possible to put up as much weight as possible? This doesn’t seem very healthy. Clearly, bodybuilding seems far more healthy.
I am not sure I believe in God but if there is a God, he probably wanted people to be really muscular and not really strong. Is there any application for strength, anyway? Am I going to have to pick up a car at some point in my life? Honestly, I think all of this muscle that has no functional use seems far more logical.
You can pull far more ass at the club lean and ripped than you can fat and kinda strong. What do powerlifters say to a chick when they meet them at a club? Check out this fine squattin’ ass? I hope not. I have yet to see a fine ass on a powerlifter. If you cannot pick up women at the club, what kind of a future do you have? Bodybuilders smell better, wear better clothes and like to dance. All prerequisites for getting into pants at the club. I see no contest here.
What about in the gym? This is where the gap widens. Powerlifters don’t even wear matching workout clothes. When was the last time you saw a powerlifter wear a shirt that matched his shorts? I can tell you—NEVER. They are all hairy and sweaty and make a lot of noise. Bodybuilders on the other hand almost always match – not only shorts and shirts but sometimes shoes and hats, too. That is cool. They smell of nice cologne and don’t have yucky hair all over them. Who do you think the gym whore is going to go after? EXACTLY. (this one was two points because gym whores are worth more than club whores).
Lastly, and this one should set the two apart for good: the competitions. Powerlifters get together at their competitions and move big weights after wrapping themselves in stinky, unwashed wraps and belts and other … stinky stuff. They then go out for pizza and beer and do man things.
Bodybuilders have to shave their entire body, put on a fake tan; not shower for two days; their breath smells like shit because they are dehydrated and couldn’t use water to brush their teeth; they then stand on stage in front of a crowd in tiny underwear after covering themselves with oil from head to toe doing their version of a dance to music while showing off their muscles to a panel of men and women that judge them entirely on how they look. (long sentence, I know. Thank God for Editors).
Nevermind that they are so weak they are cramping and haven’t cared to have sex in six weeks because they have focused all of their energy on training and cardio.
Clearly, this was the knock-out punch. I think we can all agree that bodybuilding is far more glamorous. Bodybuilders are cool. Just Sayin’.
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