The way I see it, when the Zombies finally come there will be two types of people in this world of ours. Those that will make it and those that surely will not. Some of us will have our brains snacked on like a left over pot roast and some of us will be strong enough, fit enough, and brave enough to take up arms against the undead.
When the tsunami created by meteor strikes hits us, just like old Triceratops, some will sink and some will swim. When the aliens come to probe at their leisure, some of us will fight off the “phone home finger” and some will be left physically and emotionally scarred. The good news is that we can choose what to do between now and catastrophe to better the odds.
Step 1: Get Stronger
E.T.’s spindly frame may seem like a piece of cake to overpower but given his mind control abilities it may be tougher than you think. You will need to develop a base level of strength. If you are new to strength training, get a coach and get to work. Start with the basic multi joint movements like squats, dead lifts, presses, and pulling exercises. These relatively simple movements will help you to gain strength and because of the huge hormonal responsethey are capable of producing they will help you gain muscle mass to make you appear larger and more intimidating when wild packs of dogs begin taking over the suburbs. Once these movements have been mastered and considerable amounts of total body strength have been gained, consider adding explosive more complex movements like Power Cleans to further improve your training and abilities.
Step 2: Train Agility
Everyone thinks Zombies are slow because Hollywood has traditionally portrayed them as so. I’m not buying it people! I have seen the movie “World War Z” and those things can move! Possessing the ability to quickly alter your direction of movement – left to right, forward to backward, zig to zag – will be of the utmost importance. The agility drill that you incorporate into your program need not be complicated. Set up 4 cones in a square 10 yards apart, give or take. Start at 1 corner and sprint to the first cone. Make a sharp 90 degree turn to the next cone and repeat 2 more times until you end up back where you started. Alternate directions each rep and do anywhere between 5 and 20 reps depending on your current abilities. Change up the movements to shuffling, backpedaling, etc. You are only limited by your imagination or what you can find on Google when it comes to agility drills. Just keep the distances short and focus on dropping the center of gravity by bending the hips and knees when changing directions.
Step 3: Don’t Ignore the Conditioning
The distance one may need to cover in a relatively short period of time is impossible to predict. But chances are it won’t be short and you will be carrying everything you hold dear with you. So get off the elliptical and spend some time outside running the way the good Lord intended. Take a heavy pack and climb the nearest mountain from time to time. Just don’t overdo the long slow distance training, that would interfere with step 1. Once or twice a week for about 20-60 min should do it. Spend most of your time while conditioning doing interval training. So instead of always just going out for a leisurely 2 mile run, do eight 400m sprints with 1 or 2 min rest between each. This will allow you to train a much faster pace and will have many of the benefits of long slow distance training without the strength zapping effects of the longer slower training.
Step 4: Train Natural
If the car needs to be lifted off a baby after the F8 Tornado strikes, you will not have time to search through the debris to find your trusty weight belt, lifting shoes, knee wraps, wrist straps, and iPod. Get used to training without all of these ergogenic aids and get strong without them.
Step 5: Toughen Up
I once attempted to send a group of athletes on a 3 mile run that involved climbing an unpaved trail to the top of a hill. After prescribing this fantastic “end of the world survival training scenario” to 1 particular athlete, I was informed that they would not be participating because they were petrified of coming back down the trail once they reached the top. Let me tell you something, when the rabies infected grizzlies come for us all, they are not going to care if the terrain is flat and paved or not.
Can’t swim? Afraid of the water? Just afraid it will mess up your hair? It may be the only safe place to hide when Robots take over the world. Everyone knows their electronics will fail when they come in contact with water so you had better start getting wet from time to time. Face your fears when it comes to training and overcome them.
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